Callahan At The Gates - Short Story 14

Callahan At The Gates

 

"Ah, Callahan, there you are. Right on schedule. Can't say that about everyone. Some, you know, dilly dally."

He checks off something on a clipboard.

"We've had an incident. Just this morning. A vacancy. Rather sudden, though not completely unexpected. We knew it was coming, sort of, just weren't sure when. I'm told you recently had a career shift." Looks down at the clipboard. "Say's here you made a move to sanitation? Am I right?"

A lengthily pause. Callahan distracted, head swiveling, checking out the surroundings, slightly dumbfounded, misses what was said.

"Am I right?"

Callahan says, "Seems so."

"Did you know Jones? Probably not. Before your time. He's the one you'll be replacing."

"Nope, don't know no Jones."

 

"Not important, really, but between you and I, Jones had an encounter with an, ah, a foreign agent. Defected. Yes, um, yes, went to the other side. These things happen. Happens more often than we'd like to admit, but it's not unexpected. Not unexpected at all. The big guy, you know, the big guy is all knowing, knows every thing from beginning to end, but he gets a bit distracted in my humble opinion. He knew it was coming but forgets to inform the rest of us. He's not getting any younger. Too many eternities I'd gather. One eternity is enough for me."

Callahan says, "Am I in the right place?"

"Ho, ho, ho, you certainly are." Turns the clipboard to Callahan. Waves it in his face. His name across the top.

"Welcome aboard Callahan. We're giving you Jones's old number. Your membership number is 837,491,728, 444. Remember it. It is also your room number."

He makes another check on the clipboard.

"By the way, my name is James. My friends call me Jimmy. Jimmy the Clip." Unfolds wings, sniffs, cracks his neck, wings flap twice, folds them back. "Been working the gates since day one. Know pretty much everybody..."

 

"Karl!...."

 

"KARL!"

"For crying out loud, where is that guy?"

"Karl's our sanitation navigator. Wears the hat for what, two thousand years now. Ex Roman Centurion. Good guy, terrible temper. Don't get on his bad side."

From his dial Jimmy speaks into a PA, "KARL, damn it, you're needed at the gates immediately."

Karl shows up. He has a limp.

 

"Put Callahan in toilets."

 

Callahan takes a step back, stumbles, lands on his ass, dust rising. "What kind of Heaven is this? I can't spend eternity in toilets."

"Sure you can. And Heaven? What makes you think this is Heaven?"

"Next!"